Stop Managing to be More Present

Stop Managing to be More Present
  
Clients often ask me how to be present more of the time.
 
Or how to feel less of the emotions and feelings they don't want and more of the feelings and emotions they do want.
 
My answer to both is often a version of stop managing your emotional state.
 
They are often people who have been long afraid of their emotions and are suppressing them in some way. When you stop suppressing your normal emotions, it can feel like a lot, all of a sudden.
 
Then, sometimes, people will swing the opposite way and overfeel their feelings. Wallowing in them because they were told somewhere to "feel your feelings".
 
This ends up feeling terrible.
 
We don't need to control our emotions. They are designed to naturally rise and fall. The less we do, the more our naturally built-in system can take care of things how it's designed to.
 
An emotion only lasts 3-5 minutes because that's the half-life of the neuropeptide that generates it in your brain and spinal cord. If you are having sustained or longer-lasting emotions, it's because, as it's waning, you re-think the thinking that generated it in the first place. Over and over. Every 3 to 5 minutes.
 
We can do this with a negative emotion like anger when you want to stay angry, and with positive emotions when we imagine something we would love. In both cases, positive or negative, we are now "up in our heads" trying to manage something that never needed managing. It ends up prolonging and intensifying the sensation. And adding a layer of tension to it.
 
Sadness or anger on their own aren't problems to fix.
 
We get stuck in thinking we have to do something to fix our emotions.
 
Our system is designed in such a way that being "up in your head" feels bad. It feels like anxiety. It's that layer of tension.
 
It's actually the feeling of being present with your thinking and not present to life.
 
We are designed to notice this.
 
This is how our system works naturally. We get off track up in our heads. We notice because our system brings our attention to this "up in our head" feeling. In that moment, you have popped out of your head and your thinking.
 
You are now present.
 
This is the feedback signal and the mechanism all in one - to yank you into the Now moment.
 
Do nothing. Stay here.
 
Maybe look and focus on something in your immediate environment.
 
The feeling of tension or anxiety will dissipate all on its own. Give it a moment or two. Remember that half-life? Your body needs to clear the neuropeptides from the system. It takes 3-5 minutes.
 
This week, pay attention to when you are trying to manage your emotional state and just give up. Pay attention to your immediate surroundings. Be still for a moment or two and see what happens.
 
Reply here and let me know. I'm genuinely curious.

With Love, 

Sara Joy
 

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